Recently, my daughter had an interesting conversation with women from her former job about gender roles. She told them how I choose to function in my home, and they were horrified, sharing how they "could never do that." She quickly followed up in telling them that my choice to cook for and serve my husband did not take away from who I am as an empowered, strong woman. In fact, she said, “My mom is a feminist.” One who advocates for the rights of women. She ended the conversation saying, “My mom and dad have figured out a rhythm that works for them."
I do most of the cooking in my home--until...I don’t. Frequently, my husband provides the meals by calling in his “best chefs”: Chinese takeout is among my faves. I don’t enjoy cooking, but I am a good cook. I work hard at finding good recipes to create meals that will be a blessing to my husband and the rest of my family when they visit. Once I have finished cooking the meal, I serve it to my husband and ask the question, “Is there anything else I can get for you?” I know this type of behavior may seem antiquated to many, but I find it my privilege to serve according to the love language of my husband. One of the ways he feels loved is through Acts of Service.
"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is a book that really strengthened my relationship with my husband. The languages are as follows: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Understanding a person’s love language, and deciding to interact with the person according to their love need, can greatly enhance relational harmony. When I was newly married, I would fight against the idea of serving my husband, mostly because the older women around me would mock me for doing so. They would say things like, “Are his legs broken? He can get up and get his own food.” I didn’t want to seem like I was his “slave”, so I’d end up saying the things I’d heard others say, thinking that I was standing up for my rights.
One day, as I was spending time reading and meditating on the scriptures, I came across this verse:
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20
Christ’s love empowers me and facilitates me forward. It is the motivation behind everything I do. He modeled how love should be walked out in faith by those of us who follow Him. Love requires sacrifice. Love is not self-seeking but considers the need of the one whom they love. My husband is not a demanding ogre who insists on being served food each night. In fact, he doesn’t assume that I will prepare a meal each night, but he is really grateful when I do. It doesn’t matter if the meal is one of my successes or if it’s a hurried mediocre meal. He always says, “Thank you for dinner." It makes him feel loved when I cook for him, and that brings me joy.
Consider a relationship today where Jesus may be asking you to show sacrificial love. Real love is not based on sentimentality, where you only express love when you “feel” love. Love is a choice. God gave us His very best in presenting Jesus as the perfect sacrifice for our sin. Likewise, we show God’s love when we push back the fear of being taken advantage of and choose to be sacrificial with our love. This kind of love will be a witness to the world.
